Back in Gili Trawangan, Indonesia, I spent a week scuba diving and getting fully certified to do any recreational dive in the world. During this time, I met many incredible people, including Jamie, an Australian from Perth who is well traveled and loves diving. When I mentioned by travel plans for the upcoming months, he recommended doing diving while I’m in Mexico. A bachelor party over the past weekend is what brought me to Mexico, but I figured while I’m already in the Playa Del Carmen area, I should experience some of what Mexico’s diving scenery has to offer. There were plenty of good options, including wreck dives and reef dives. However, something truly unique to Mexico are the Cenotes, or water filled underground caves and caverns. I did the research and was referred to a specific dive shop by a Manta Dive instructor, and signed up to do two days of Cenotes diving following the bachelor party before I go to Europe.
I walked over to the dive shop where I met Willy, the diving instructor and a fellow American who would be joining for the dives. We had two dives at two different location planned for the day: The Pit and Dos Ojos. We road for about 40 minutes south towards Tulum and arrived at the site of The Pit. We went over the dive plan, safety precautions, signaling with use of flashlights, and everything else we needed to know. Nothing was new to me or a surprise yet, as I have done a night dive and used the torch equipment.
We approached the Pit, a massive hole in the ground with steps leading down to the water. We began our descent, dropping down to our max depth of 30m. Here, it was very dark, even with the torch, and I was having issues with my poorly fitted mask. Using rental equipment at different dive shops comes with risk of comfort and confidence. My mask kept flooding with water every time I equalized, making seeing at that depth impossible. We began to move into a cavern, and I felt my heart start to race. Trusting my training and experience, I did my best to calm myself down but to no avail. A sense of claustrophobia overpowered me. I felt overwhelmed and completely out of my comfort zone, so much to the point I had fear of a panic attack occurring while at maximum depth in the cavern. I have had a handful of panic attacks in my life, and the fear of having one while scuba diving and understanding the dangers of acting out of panic against safety precautions made my anxiety rise higher. I had a bad feeling about things getting worse for me, so I swallowed my pride and got the attention of our diving instructor, signaling that I wanted to call the dive. It’s standard diving procedure that for any reason, at any point, any person can call the dive. Out of fear of my own safety and for my own protection, I had to call it early. He stayed by my side, slowly ascending together to prevent any injuries. We surfaced, I apologized to Willy and the other diver and let them know what was going on. They were very understanding and glad I called it given the circumstances.
Admittedly, I’m glad that I called this dive. I had a notion in my head that I would never want to ruin the dive for others or call it early, but this can be a dangerous thought process. Especially in Cenotes and underwater caves/caverns. Still, after all of the adventures, challenges, risks I’ve taken, and things to get out of my comfort zone, is this really where I draw the line? I prepaid for all 4 Cenotes dives, am I done? Is that it?
I drank some water and ate a snack, trying to come back to myself. We arrived at the next sight, Dos Ojos. This dive was different, as the avg. depth is less than 10m. Every diver knows that it’s dangerous to ascend at a rate of faster than 9m per minute. I told myself the ability to not surface easily or quickly while in the Pit contributed to my panic, and that a shallower depth felt more comfortable. Willy told me to take a look at the caverns once we get in the water again to see how I feel and determine if I want to proceed. I was unsure at how I would feel, but was not ready to call it quits without giving it a second shot. We got in the water, descended, then I took a look at the entrance to the cavern. I got closer and closer, looking inside, then the next thing I knew, I was following our instructor and we were deep in the cavern. I was focusing on my breathing, as well as optimizing my buoyancy given the narrow tunnels. We made our way through the dive, and while I didn’t feel a strong sense of comfort, I didn’t feel much anxiety. I was captivated by the many stalagmites and stalactites underwater. Eventually, we made our way through the entire dive and returned to the surface in what felt like a very short time. The actual dive time was 37 minutes, but it felt like 15 minutes to me. I was a bit relieved when we made it to the surface again, but proud of myself for giving it another shot following the Pit panic and being able to complete the entire dive. Honestly, I had never felt so out of my comfort zone and terror stricken in my entire life. Still, I continued to push myself and ended up with a very rewarding experience and strengthened self confidence.
We drove back to Playa Del Carmen, and I walked to a nearby authentic Mexican restaurant where I treated myself to a large meal and two Coronas. Walking back to the hostel, I called my dad to tell him about the experience. It was a day that I will surely never forget. Scuba diving alone is pretty tiring, but paired with the crazy flooding of mixed chemicals in my brain from heightened emotional stimulation, I was exhausted. I returned to the hostel, took a quick shower, then laid down just to rest “for a little bit.”
I woke up 4 hours later. I ordered some pizza delivery, and then sat in my room reflecting on the day. Then, I began to miss my dog Toro, my friends, and my family back home. A wave of loneliness from all the solo traveling distance was hitting me when one of the hostel dogs stood outside my room’s door. I patted the bed, whistling and beckoning the dog to lay with me. To my pleasant surprise, she jumped on the bed and let me pet her and lay with her for the next couple of hours. What a sweet girl.